I'm watching my favorite TV program of all time: M*A*S*H. I only like the ones after Col. Potter joined the team. Well, I can tolerate the the earlier ones but they aren't nearly as good as the later ones. This isone of those rare instances when the show got better as the years progressed instead of the other way around.

It was April Fool's Day today and Joey and I played a little trick on Ed and they played a little trick on me, but she was very disappointed that we didn't play any tricks on her. To tell you the truth, I just couldn't think of anything that wouldn't upset her. She spent the day conjuring up imaginary aches and pains, too. What the heck is that all about? She's turning into a little hypochondriac!

I made crepes tonight and they were awful. The recipe wasn't as good as the last ones I made. It didn't call for salt (big mistake), or vanilla (I rectified that) and I think the egg-to-sugar ratio was off. I have to find the old recipe now and make them again the right way.

Tomorrow school starts again. I'm just not ready for it. I really wish I had another week to just do some organizing, scrapbooking, shopping, and loafing. (Sorta like vacation.)

I'm getting discouraged about my career aspirations. I didn't get into the graduate program I applied for so I applied for the bachelor program and am an alternate, whatever the hell that means. My financial aid score was the highest possible which means it is highly unlikely that I'll get any financial aid or tuition relief at UP. And OHSU, they start in July which would interfere with Ed's sabbatical, which I'm not willing to compromise. So I'm just sorta down--what's the point of working so hard and getting such good grades if I can't get into the school I can afford and I can't afford the school I can get into. what is up with that?

Now I'm starting to reconsider. Do I really want to go to nursing school? I think I do. But is there some cosmic messenger out there that is trying to deliver a message in those rejection forms? I never thought it would be so hard to get into school! I'm tremendously disappointed. I think that's why I've been such a slug lately. I am just losing motivation because I don't seem to be making any headway. Maybe I should go talk to Kate. She always buoys me up. I wish I could take her class again. Or just sit in on the lectures. They were so interesting. I wonder if she'd mind? I bet not.

Maybe it's depression. I need to see that naturpath. (How the hell do you spell that anyway??)

Ooh--Ricky alert. That video with Christina Aguilera is on. They are both so sexy. I love her nose gem. I really want to pierce my nose but Ed is still so adamant against it. I'd hate to do it without his blessing.

I've been reading a lot of journals here and all I can say is that there are a lot of really bad ones! I've found some really good ones (the ones on my faves list) but I think there are definitely more crappy ones than good ones. Some are so sexual--I couldn't imagine writing that stuff, even anonymously! Those people have vastly different sex lives than mine.When I'm diary surfing, I immediately exit out of anyone that is written by a teenager--I'm not the slightest bit interested in reading their teen angst ramblings. Call me old. I guess I am. Old enough to know better, anyway. :-)

I talked to Amy tonight. She lives a scant half hour away and we seem to have a hard time getting together. Of course, her schedule and mine don't mix well and there isn't much of any place between our abodes to meet at. I wish we could spend more time together. I so enjoyed all the time we spent together last year planning her wedding and then her new job stole her away and we haven't gotten back into the groove since then.

I just realized today that last Tuesday was the 6th anniversary of mom's death and I didn't even acknowledge it. What's that say? That I don't care? That I've moved on? I was on vacation, after all. That probably says the most. I didn't even think about the date the whole time we were gone, just days of the week. Still, I feel bad that we didn't do our balloon ritual. I think maybe this week Joey and I will do our balloon ritual. The funny thing is that on Tuesday (or was it Wednesday?) we went to the International Marketplace in Honolulu and I actually thought "I can't wait to tell Mom I went here." and then a split second later, I realized that she was dead and I wouldn't be able to tell her. I thought about her a lot while I was in the islands. When I saw names of places I recognized from mom and dad's history, I would think of them--like Trippler Army Hospital where dad recovered from hepatitis and Fort De Russey where he was stationed and the International Marketplace. It was interesting, though, because I didn't feel sad. Maybe a little wistful, but not terribly sad. I guess after 6 years, the edge is a little duller. More like a butter knife than a razor blade.

It's after 1am and I need to get up at least by 7:45 so I'd better head to bed. I was supposed to be a Responsible Adult and go to bed on time. Damn.

Later,

--L