I know, this is my second entry. I'm incorrigible. Tomorrow morning at 10am I have a statistics final and have I studied for it at all? No. Is it after 11pm? Yes. Am I an idiot? Yes! But did I find some kewl new diaries? Yes! Read herworship and angelbutt and enjoyed them very much. Lots of head nodding. herworship even likes Loreena McKennitt. I don't know many people in 3D who dig her music so I'm always delighted when I find someone who even knows who she is, let alone likes her music. Usually it's someone into wicca. Can't figure that one out.

I keep thinking about the appointment with Joey's pediatrician. When I was helping her to ride her new scooter today and she was getting frustrated and scared and discouraged, I found myself having so much more patience than usual. I know I should have been patient before, but understanding that she just can't help it gave me the extra patience I always lack. Knowing that she really can't help it made me more understanding. Not coddling but understanding. I've never had such a patience reserve. I think in my heart of hearts, I've always known that she couldn't help it, but closer to the surface where my emotions and frustrations are, I just got irritated. Snap out of it, I'd think. Why the hell are you torturing me like this? Just get OVER IT, I'd scream on the inside. All the while thinking myself the worst mother on earth.

Dr. M. said she admired me. She said I'm a good mom. She said that in all the years she's known me, she's thought I was a level-headed, intelligent, involved mom. She always makes me feel like I'm the best mom who has ever lived. I love that about her because I tell you what--momming is a tough profession and most of the time, I feel like I suck at it. I'm not patient, I'm involved in my own life--studies, computer, scrapbooking, reading. I like having my own life. I like being a grown-up and not living in Toddlerville. So I feel guilty. A lot. Good thing I have such a great husband who is so into parenting. He and Joey are tight. I love that. Gives me a lot of freedom.

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Ok, I have really *got* to study my statistics. I just feel more like writing instead. Part of the reason is that we get to take notes into the test so it seems superfluous to study, but I guess I oughta do some. At least write my crib notes.

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I had a corned beef sandwich for lunch and one for dinner today. But it wasn't just any corned beef--I cooked the corned beef myself and baked the bread myself. Again with the June Freaking Cleaver. Ed has banned me from cooking until we get back from Hawaii, though.

Have I failed to mention that we leave for Hawaii in a mere 2 days???? Bwahahahahaha! We rock! We're going to have so much fun! And it's so much more fun to go on vacation with your best friends--I love that. I think we'll have a fabulous time. Think nothing--I *know* we'll have a fabulous time. I am just a little anxious about the flight. I hate to fly anymore. It's so stressful. Joey is oblivious, though. I'm glad about that.

I need to paint my toenails tomorrow. Can't go to the beach with nekkid toenails. I think Joey needs her nails painted, too. Might as well do our fingers, too.

Oh crap--I forgot to call Amber to watch the cat while we're gone. I have got to remember to do that tomorrow.

Ed informed me that he's not taking his computer to Hawaii with us. Cut off. Cold turkey. How ever will I survive a full week without my online time??? Oh no! We'd better have a heck of a lot of fun so I don't have time to wonder what all my friends are up to.

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I just realized that the Academy Awards are on Sunday. We'll be basking in the tropics then. I'm not big on the awards this year because I haven't seen many of the movies this year. But I love to see the dresses. However, I *HATE* the red carpet question: Who are you wearing. I hatehatehatehate it. Don't know why it bothers me so much but it does.

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So now I have to pee. This is a good time to stop writing, exit Explorer and start studying. But I can't. I just gotta read more more more more more...

Ok, I'll go now. I'm sure you've heard more than enough from me today.

--L