Today I met with Joey's pediatrician to talk about her fearfulness and anxiety. She said it sounds like Joey has generalized anxiety disorder and recommended a psychologist for family and personal therapy. It was really a relief to hear her say that it wasn't my fault. Amy tried to tell me last summer during Joey's lightning anxiety that I caused it by telling her to be careful all the time. But Stacey said that to Baylee ten times as often as I did and Baylee is still absolutely fearless. Dr. M said this is just a unique part of Joey that I didn't cause and am not responsible for. It's hard to say outloud that Joey has a problem, that her anxiety isn't normal. But it feels good to talk about it. I think the therapist will be good for all of us.

+--+

I'm supposed to be studying for my stats final tomorrow. Why can't I buckle down and do it? Ack! It's just not as much fun as playing on the computer coloring my hair and doing laundry. Sad days when doing laundry is more fun than the task you're avoiding.

+--+

Did I mention my dream about being the First Lady? Ed was the prez but he looked alarmingly like Martin Sheen. He had already moved into the White House and started doing his president stuff but I hadn't moved in or even gone into the Residence yet. Stacey and I were there and I wanted to take her to the Residence with me when I went there the first time. I was walking all around the White House and there were secret service people everywhere. But the strangest thing was that everyone knew who I was. It was very disconcerting to have everyone know me, even people I didn't know. The cool thing, though, was that there were no rules. I mean, I could go anywhere I wanted--no one stopped me from going into authorized areas. I *loved* that feeling of entitlement and privilege and power and I loved that feeling of security, too. There was more to the dream but the most significant thing was how I felt about being in that environment. What made me laugh when I woke up was that I'm about 100 times more likely to run for office than Ed, but our societal attitudes must run deep. Men are Presidents. Women are First Ladies. Even when the woman is more likely to want to be the president than the man. I wonder what they'll call the first woman president's husband (assuming she has one). The First Gentleman? The First Husband? Sir?

I'm not really interested in running for political office as I once was. I used to really want to do it--I had my sights set on governor, but I don't see it happening. I'm not good at being in sales, and campaigning is sales, pure and simple.

+--+

I need to go dry my hair now that it is newly orangified. Yay! I love my orange hair. Now I wish Ed would get over his dislike of nose piercings. I really want to pierce my nose but he really hates the idea. And though I could do it, I know it wouldn't be good for our marriage. I hope I can wear him down. I don't like not being able to do something I really want to do. I wonder what it will take to wear him down?

Ok, I'm really going to study now. I think.

--L