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05-22-2002 @ 8:31 p.m.
A Not-So-Down Day. I'll Take My Improvements Where I Can

I'm writing a little earlier than usual today--if you're a late reader, click previous for today's first entry.

I wasn't terrible blahed over today. It was pretty good, in fact. I got up at a reasonable hour (considering the lateness of my bedtime--2:30) so I was out of the house by 10:30 (including a shower--I've been doing the ballcap-no-shower thing entirely too much of late) and met Stacey at the golf course to sign our girls up for golf camp. I've got a good schedule going for Joey this summer so far. She's got half-day golf camp for 3 days, and half-day tennis and French camp for a week in July. Now all I need to do is sign her up for swimming lessons and we're good to go. She wants to go to art camp, too, but I'm not sure I'll be able to manage that. I mean, we've got to have time to go to the beach for a few days and go camping and go to Bend and then have days to just do nothing (which is my favorite part of summer). I just found out there are some art classes at the YMCA that are reasonably priced so I may check those out. Since she has no siblings and a limited number of neighborhood kids to play with, I want to make sure she has lots of stuff to do between those unconstructed times so she doesn't pull the old "I'm bored" routine.

After seeing Stacey, I met Jamie for lunch. I loved walking up to the restaurant because her 3-year-old son Michael who loves me started running with his arms outstretched when he saw me. I picked him up and spun him around and kissed his sweet little neck. He and Julia constitute my preschooler fan club. (I may have mentioned before that I'm big with the toddler/preschooler set.) Jamie was treating me to lunch because I proofread/edited the instructions for her new quilting pattern that she is publishing soon. While at lunch, we planned the baby shower for Christa. It's going to be next Friday, the 31st. We've got some good ideas rolling around. It will be colorful, if nothing else.

When I departed from Jamie, I hied myself over to Target to return a pair of shorts that I got for Joey which were too big. They were supposed to be hip hugger style but she has no hips so they fell straight down. She found this unacceptable. Anyway, I returned them and decided that I needed to have some hot rollers. I bought some hot rollers but I'm not sure they are going to work for me--I tried them and they didn't get very hot at all. I'm thinking they might be defective. I will put them back into the box and return them, I believe. I also bought a new colander to replace the one I melted into the stove element.

Holly came over and we talked for 3 hours! She was only planning to stay for an hour but when the two of us get to talking, we can't seem to stop. She told me that Lauren totally loved getting her photos done the other day and wanted to see the rest of my portfolio. I was more than happy to show her.

She is grieving in a similar way as me. After having four children (with five years between each kid), her husband got a vasectomy because they know for sure they are done. She's only in her early 30s and could have more children if she really wanted to but they feel like their family is complete and with one of their children on antidepressants and needing therapy for trichotilimania and anxiety and OCD and other austism-related problems, they don't need to add any more children to their family. But she is still grieving the loss of that part of her life, knowing that there will never be another baby in her womb, another child in their family. It's a hard realization as I am finding out. And it doesn't just hit people like me, apparently. I guess I hadn't thought about it with women who actually gave birth. I figured you'd have your kids and then know you were done and be fine with it. Man, how little I know about how fertile women live. (I was realizing the other day that I hadn't used contraception in so long that I don't even know what I'd use if I needed it--I haven't kept up on any developments in that area of medicine.)

I'm planning to skip class tomorrow--there are no negatives to work with because Lauren's film isn't ready yet. I'll pick them up Friday morning and go in during free lab time and print them off. Next week, I'll devote to matting and then I'll be done. I love this class--more than any other class I've had--but I'll be glad when it's over. It has been a little stressful. And I'm tired of driving the 30 minutes there and 30 mins. back, 3 days a week.

My eyes are burning for some reason--tiredness, perhaps. They feel dry. I wore my favoritest orange thick ribbed turtle neck. It's the $70 sweater that I got for $19 at a big-ass sale a few months back and it always makes me smile when I put it on. It's the same color as my hair--a sort of burnt orange--and people always comment on that when they see me. I think it's good to color coordinate with your hair. :-)

--L

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