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05-24-2002 @ 12:03 a.m.
Blah de Freaking Blah

I skipped class today and it felt so naughty! I never skip class. In the last 3 years, I can't think of any time I have just plain skipped a class because I didn't want to go but today I did. Actually, I'll be spending as much or more time in the darkroom tomorrow as I would have today but I just won't get attendance credit for it. I don't care--the grade is absolutely immaterial and we're allowed 2 unexcused absences, anyway.

I find myself being irritable with Joey lately. It's not really anything she's done--she just asks me questions a lot but lately they seem to irk me. This combined with my sleepiness and my blah-ness has me actually reaching for the phone. I'll make that dad-gum appointment tomorrow if it kills me!

I feel like I accomplished nothing today. I printed invitations to the baby shower. I put the dishes away and tidied up the kitchen. I cooked dinner (baked potatoes smothered with chili and cheese--mmmmm!). I met with the activities committe to plan the church's Fourth of July breakfast party. Still, I have no sense of accomplishment. I hate that nagging feeling.

I just wanted to sleep all day. All day all day all day. I almost did. And then come 10pm, I was ready for bed again. That's pathetic.

I feel disjointed.

I feel at odds with myself.

I feel frustrated and irritable but not at anything in particular.

I feel like cuddling up with Ed and sleeping in his arms.

In a strange way, I feel like a little child. I want someone to take care of me and it's odd because I'm so not a person who likes to be taken care of except when it comes to getting me a cup of tea when I'm sick. *I'm* the taker-carer. I want my mom to come and sit with me while I sleep. I want her to brush the hair out of my eyes and say soothing things to me.

I can't even whip up a good cry over that one.

--L

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