It's been an atypical Sunday. Usually we get up, relax all morning--read, talk, play games, eat--and then get ready for church and attend church from 2-5. Today I got up early to work on my chemistry poster project with Cynthia. We worked on it until it was too late to go to church. And then I had a headache so I sat around and moaned about it for a few hours until I put my head down at 6:30 and fell asleep. I slept until 8pm and when I woke up, my headache was gone. Yay.

When I put my head down, Joey was so sweet--she put a blanket over me and put a blanket over Ed (who also had a headache--apparently it was family headache day) and then pulled a chair up to the sink to do the dishes. Mind you, this child has never done a dish in her 7 years of life. But she washed every dish in the sink and rinsed them and sat them out to dry. I was so impressed and amazed--what a very sweet little girl. She wanted to cook dinner, too, but we wouldn't let her.

Joey was very chatty and sweet all day today. She'd go in to the office where Ed was working and organizing and talk with him about stuff and then she'd come out where I was studying and talk with me about stuff. She wanted to know how ear infections worked and why they hurt. While I was drawing her an illustration, she said "Mom can you show me some more stuff? This is interesting." She's just such a cute little girl. I just can't believe I have the great fortune to have such a sweet and charming and intelligent and polite and nice and beautiful little girl. No wonder I don't want to have anymore kids--why mess with perfection?

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I need to lose weight. I mean I *really* need to lose weight. I stripped down and carefully studied my body in the mirror--even got a hand mirror so I could look at my back in the mirror--and while it wasn't a surprise to me, I realized just how very fat I've gotten. I absolutely need to do something. First, I need to see Dr. Milner about my thyroid. Second, I need to force myself to exercise every day. I keep saying that I'll do it 3 days a week, but if I don't do it everyday, I will put it off. I need to get into a more regular schedule, too. I know I love staying up but this is getting ridiculous. Joey is late for school twice a week, I'm late for A&P every freaking day and I'm always tired. I take naps in my car almost every afternoon while I'm waiting to pick up Joey. It's ridiculous. I need to go to bed at a decent hour (read: before midnight--preferably before 11:30). I need to get up at a decent hour (read: 7am). If I do that, I can walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes before I get ready for school. And I'll get Jordyn *and* me to school on time.

I'm just so tired of being fat. I'm tired of the effort it takes to fold my arms, to tie my shoes, to walk around campus or up stairs, trim my toenails, even to wipe my butt . I never thought I'd be able to get this fat--I thought that *surely* I'd do something before it got this bad. The thing is, I feel how much effort it is now to do things that were easy before (like tying shoes, for example) and I wonder how people who are bigger than me manage. I feel like I'm going to have a stroke when I lean over to tie my shoes!

So here I am--fat and ready to seriously do something about it. I'll be updating here as I make progress. Not much will happen in the next week and a half because I have finals for the next 3 days and then Thursday I head off to Hawaii for a week. But as soon as I get back, I'll be making appointments--Dr. Milner for thyroid and weight loss, and then the eye doctor, Joey's orthodontist consultation, Dr. T for my annual pap smear (woo-hoo), and anything else that I can think of. And I'll be starting my new sleep/wake regimen. I can't help but expect my life and general well-being to improve. School should be better, too. Expect good things.

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Mario Batali from the Food Network makes me crazy! He is so full of himself and that annoying sarcastic voice he uses when he wants to say something over the top--blech! Yet still I watch his show? Why? Why why why? I always find myself rolling my eyes and telling him to shaddap, but still I watch. On the one hand, he inspires me to cook more, but on the other hand, he annoys the crap out of me. I do want to make some tagliatelli, though, after watching his show on soft pasta. I think I'll try that. Of course, I will be watching very infrequently because I'll be going to bed at a decent hour.

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My 2nd toe on my left foot is swollen. It feels like I have a bandaid wrapped around it but I don't. It's kind of bothersome and I have no idea why it's like that today. This has happendd once before and it stumped me then, too. It doesn't hurt, it is just very noticeable.

I've been reading koogle's journal and it has been so interesting to go back in time and then follow her struggles with her kidney failure, pancreas-kidney transplant, and successive health problems. She manages to stay amazingly upbeat despite being in and out of the hospital. Her entries are literate and well-written and funny and poignant and interesting. And if she ever reads this, she'll be sad to know I happen to like a few Creed songs. I wouldn't call myself a fan, but I can't see what her intense dislike/disgust of them is. Maybe she'll be able to elucidate me someday.

Time to study for my final tomorrow. Wish me luck. I need to get at least an 88 on this test to get an A in this class. I think I can do it. I hope so, anyway.

--L