I didn't really get a lobotomy. I should, though. My life is so frenetic right now. I know, I know, I know. I chose this life--I put myself back in school after being a writer for 12 years--but sometimes I wish for a reason to just quit everything and veg for awhile. But if I did that, I'd sit on my ass at home all day and get fatter and fatter and fatter watching too much Great Chefs and Christopher Freaking Lowell. I got to school because I need something to do with myself and I didn't want to get a job. I mean not a job that I was qualified to do--tech writing sucks and I'm not into "would you like fries with that." I could work at Powell's, I guess. But I doubt they could pay me enough to make it worth my while. I was making about $50/hour as a tech writer. Could I really go back to just $10/hour, if that? Nah.

So I study. I love school. I really do. I'm just tired of all the crap that goes with school--like group projects. Who is the braintrust that came up with that student torture device? I *hate* group projects. At least I have a small group--just the two of us--but it's still a group which requires me to work with someone else. Blech.

I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever make it to being a midwife. That seems so far out there. I hate that. I feel like I've been in school forever. Five years in the 80s and 2 years in the 00s. And I've still got 4 freaking years left to go, at least. What if I don't get into any school? What if I don't get any (or enough) financial aid? What will I do next year? I'll scrapbook every damn day. I'll watch too much TV. I'll eat too much chocolate. (Or maybe I'll get in shape. Har!)

I kinda feel stressed about getting through school because every delay in achieving my goal means a delay in Ed achieving his goal of going back to school and teaching. Or whatever. He's miserable.

And we'll all be miserable if he isn't able to go to Hawaii next week with the rest of us. Intel damn well better pay for his ticket if he gives up his MUCH deserved vacation to work on this stupid problem. I think he thinks he is too valuable there. Like the whole place would fold without him for a week. However will they survive if he takes his sabbatical?

I hope I keep this diary up. This will be good for me. I think I'll keep it a little quiet for now. Maybe when I really have something to say I'll share the url. Maybe not. :-)