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01-07-2002 @ 9:50 p.m.
Freaking Creativity

I plumb forgot to write an entry last night. Dunno what got into me. I also went to bed early. Well, I went into the bedroom early--I watched a TV program and wrote a scene for a new novel I'm working on before going to sleep around midnightish.

And I didn't get the tree taken down Sunday as I had planned. I stood in the dining room and looked at the tree for awhile and then decided I really needed a nap since I'd gotten up early for church (which is now at 8:15 am--blech!). After the nap, Ed decided he needed a nap on the couch in the living room in front of the tree so I couldn't disturb him to take down the tree.

I made the most delicious meatloaf and garlic mashed potatoes and brocolli for dinner last night. Call me Donna Reed, but that is one of my most favorite meals in the whole world! My family loves it, too.

Today, though, we had Family Tree Undecorating Time. Everything is off the tree and it is standing nekkid in the living room awaiting transport to the yard debris container. The house makes me feel sad, though, with all the colorful and sparkly decorations taken down. I need to put up something new and cheerful before I fall into a post-Christmas-decoration funk.

I was un-favorited by two of my readers this weekend and looking over this entry I can understand why. Though one of them had said he was trimming down his list to just the cool people and apparently I didn't make the grade. That's ok. He sucks. (Did I just sound bitter there? Huh.)

Today was the first day of my Photo II class. Mmmm...I'm so excited to be back behind the lens again. (Trin--I'm still waiting for you to call about that picture!) There are four students in there from my Photo I class and they are the ones whose work I liked best (well, except for one who I think is ok, but her best work was a recreation of Annie Liebowitz's John Lennon and Yoko Ono pictures. Anyway, I'm glad to see familiar faces in class. It will be a good term, I can feel it. I already have my first photo shoot arranged--I'm going to take pictures of my friend Bill working with his elderly father who had a stroke a year or so ago. I've wanted to take their picture for awhile now--there is something so sweet and poignant about an adult son helping an elderly father. When I was getting ready for my grandmother's funeral 10 years ago, I looked down the hallway to see my father fixing his father's tie and it really touched me to see that kind of interaction, especially given the many, many years of enmity that existed between them. I always regretted that I wasn't able to photograph that--freeze that very precious moment in time.

Speaking of photos, I took out my scrapbooks from Joey's first year or so and reminisced. She was such a beautiful baby. I'm not being biased here (no, mothers never do that!)--empirically, she was a very beautiful baby. She had flawless skin, big, liquid, almost black eyes with a gorgeous long fringe of black eyelashes and a full, fluffy head of hair. Absolute beauty. Looking at those pictures made me feel kind of sad--sad that those days are so long past. And it made me feel wistful. And sort of like I didn't want that part of my life to be over yet. Is it possible? Could it be that I still have a few fibers in my soul that want to have another baby? Those pictures really tugged at my heart. Crap--here I thought I was all resolved and moving on. Why can't things like that stay resolved? This is all Amy's fault. If she hadn't have turned up here a few weeks ago telling me that she is trying to get pregnant--this sister of mine who was dead set against procreating--I would not be feeling like this. I'm sure of it.

Now what do I do?

Did you catch that part earlier where I mentioned that I was writing again? Ooh--it feels so good. This story has been percolating in my brain for sometime now and yesterday it just started pouring out. I wrote 1000 words without much effort at all--it just came out. I just love that--when the words are just aching to come out. I'm in the mood to be creative--taking pictures, working in my scrapbooks, writing, decorating my living room (I'm determined to get my window treatments done finally after 5 years of having blinds only), painting Joey's room.... You'd think it was spring or something.

Now is the time in Lobotomyland where I try to think of something scintillating so that this entry isn't totally boring and causes me to lose even more readers. Problem is, there isn't much in my life that is scintillating. I mean, there's sex and that's good but I'm not the sort who writes about it publicly, except in innuendo. And I'm not contemplating an extramarital affair. And I don't happen to have a crush on anyone except the guy who played Legolas (thanks, HW), the hot Elf from Lord of the Rings and my old standby Ricky Martin (whose new 2002 calendar I hung up in the office tonight). I guess if scintillation is what you're after, I guess you'll have to look elsewhere. :-( Sorry man.

--L

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