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09-23-2001 @ 10:53 p.m.
Scattered to the Wind

Joey has a cold and I'm riding the crimson wave which woke me from an interesting FBI dream with painful cramps so we had a quiet, very quiet, day at home today. We let her watch TV as much as she wanted because she couldn't go out to play and because I just wanted to loll around on the couch in an Advil-induced stupor and because we have a rule that sick people in our family can watch as much TV as they want.

To keep myself entertained, I decided to do Google searches on the people I used to work with at my first real job oh so many years ago as a marketing communications writer and editor at Novell. The people I worked with were bright, talented, aggressive professionals and I expected them to go far. In 1988, we were young, poised and ready to go somewhere.

One of the women I worked with provided oodles of gossip for our wagging tongues. She was impertinent and had to be reprimanded more than once for inappropriate behavior. One of her more famous dalliances was an affair with a man whose wife had just given birth to twins, their 7th and 8th children (each had 3 from previous marriages). As if that weren't bad enough, they would actually do the deed at work in the First Aid rooms where there were beds and doors that locked. That affair ended with her getting divorced though the other guy and his wife decided to try to make their marriage work out. Aside from her sexual misadventures, she was a very talented writer and a very ambitious and motivated self-promoter. Over the years, I saw her on occasion at trade shows and industry events, but I left the industry and, frankly, forgot about her. She has done very well for herself, moving up the editorial ranks of many well-known industry magazines and has appeared on 60 Minutes and a few other news programs. She is currently a well-respected industry analyst and writer.

Another friend made the jump to public relations after I left Novell, continuing to work for Novell for a number of years and moving into positions of more and more responsibility. When her boss left Novell to form her own PR firm, my friend followed her. I read a press release that she is now an executive at a somewhat new high tech marketing firm in SLC. She was very ambitious, too, and I knew she would do well for herself. She has two very darling children, a cute red-headed husband and a career that is incredible. I'm impressed with what she has done with her life since I saw her last. We used to exchange Christmas cards but I haven't gotten one from her in a couple of years. I'm sure she has moved from the little bungalow she bought 9 years ago so I'll have to see if I can't find her address. Now that I know where she works now, though, I can send her a Christmas card to her work address.

I found that my boss with whom I had a rather problematic relationship is a freelance writer now, though I found only about 3 or 4 articles with his name on them so I'm wondering how successful he can be with that. Ooh, doesn't that sound catty? I always thought he was destined for mediocrity and it appears I was right.

Another friend--one of my favorites--is now an editorial director of an industry ezine and the president of a company that promotes certification, like MSCS and CNE, etc. I heard a few years ago that he and his wife had divorced and that he had hooked up with someone else, which made me sad, but he certainly has made great progress in his career. He and I were good friends and liked to talk music. He could never let go of the fact that I liked reggae music but I didn't hold that against him.

My French 101 teacher also worked at Novell and I read a bio on him tonight, too. He moved rapidly up the ranks at Novell becoming eventually a senior vice president and being named Employee of the Year 2 years in a row. In the early-to-mid 90s, he left Novell and started another company. In the late 90s (1997, I think), he sold the company for $42 million. That's a freakin' lot of money! He started another company and is the CEO of that one, though not as active in it as he was. He plans to take the company public this year, though I'm guessing that may be postponed. He is also a venture capitalist for high tech companies. He married one of the girls in that French 101 class and they have 6 children. I remember thinking she was kind of a nitwit at the time (she would giggle and blush a lot when he talked to her) but when I saw them together later and realized they had gotten married, her behavior made more sense.

I looked up more people and they had all moved on through the industry, writing for various publications and newspapers and organizations. I saw where many of them had served on panels and as industry analysts at conventions and trade shows. It was cool to see their names mentioned as the experts now, when years ago, we were all writing quotes from other experts.

The most interesting find, however, was a friend who I knew was on a downward spiral. I knew he was somewhat unbalanced--he used to talk at great length about a girlfriend from college who he admitted he was obsessed with and who didn't want anything to do with him anymore. I knew, then, that he took Xanax and that he drank, but he didn't drink heavily at the time, though he was known to go on a binge from time to time. He was hot-headed, though. He didn't control his frustration or anger very well. One time he came to visit me because I had arranged for him to come to my company and review my company's product for the magazine he worked for. While he was visiting, he got news from his editor that he had been let go. He was devastated and binge drank every night, making him difficult to be with, especially since my husband and I didn't drink.

Over the next two or three years, I heard from him sporadically and heard that he had lost several jobs. Each time he said "my drinking had nothing to do with it," though anyone knows that if you have a phrase like "my drinking" in your lexicon, it very likely *did* have something to do with it.

Fast forward to now--in my search, I found a reference to him (or someone with his name) by an ex-wife who claimed that he harassed her after they split up. She was a rather well-known writer and had written extensively about their rocky relationship after their divorce and wrote a book chronicling her failed marriage and his abusive and addictive behavior. He harassed her so much that she has a permanent restraining order against him. I read many of her articles about him and by the physical description, the list of companies he worked for and his drugs of choice, his continual denial of his addictions and his history of obsessing about spurned loves, I realized that it is, indeed, the same guy I knew. It was chilling to read it because I knew he was headed in that direction. I knew he was unbalanced. I knew he was an addict. I knew he didn't get over women well. And now I must buy this book. I saw it listed on Amazon (along with a review of the book clearly written by him--very transparent) so I think I'll order it.

It felt very weird to read about all these people I knew so well, way back when. A lot has transpired in the intervening thirteen years. We've gone in many different directions. I certainly didn't progress as far in my career as most of them did, but then again, I had very different priorities. All the women except one chose not to have families. And most moved to either Silicon Valley or NY to further their careers, a move I wasn't willing to make. And all stayed in the high tech industry, another thing I was unwilling to do. I don't regret for a moment the choices I've made in my career and in my education. But it's interesting to see where we've all ended up. I'm happy to be where and who I am and isn't that what matters most?

--L

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