What is it with families, anyway? I'm not talking about my family. We're disgustingly functional. Oh, we have some issues but in the grand scheme of things, our issues are almost infinitessimal compared to some families' issues.

A good friend of mine told me yesterday that a mutual friend who has been infertile for 4 years is finally pregnant and due in March sometime. She didn't tell me not to say anything. She didn't say much at all really.

Fast forward to 8pm tonight. I'm driving past another friend's house on the way to Costco and remember that I need to talk to her about some scrapbooking stuff (she's a Creative Memories consultant). While we are talking, I casually mention in passing "Isn't that great about Marie? Wow." and then move on to another subject. I should mention that Marie is this friend's SIL (their husbands are brother) and they have a sticky relationship--very hard to describe. So after I mention Marie, I'm nattering on about getting together sometime for a scrapbook-a-thon and Alison says nothing. Then she says "What's great about Marie?" Crap!!!! I was seriously tempted to just turn off my cell phone and pretend that I'd driven into a dead area. I said nothing for what seemed like a very long time. I *so* wanted to pretend that the signal faded on the cell phone and hang up but I couldn't be that deceptive. Finally I said very meekly "Marie's pregnant." What else could I say? How was I to know that they hadn't told the family yet? Why wouldn't I assume that, if a mutual friend already knew? Ok, so I'm an idiot.

Alison was kind of miffed, I could tell. I said "I didn't know they hadn't said anything yet. I heard from DeLyn. blah blah blah..." I made her promise not to say anything. It turned out to be a hollow promise.

Flash forward to 9:30 tonight. I get home from Costco and Ed says "Call DeLyn. She called you twice." So I do. "Did I tell you about Marie? I can't remember?" Turns out that right after Alison and I hung up, Marie called them to give them the happy news and those nitwits couldn't pretend they didn't know. No, they had to get all uppity and huffy and say that they already knew from another source. Fer cryin' out loud--how hard would it be to just play along instead of acting all freaking offended? I just can't believe Alison was so childish. Mostly I'm irritated at Alison for being so petty. This is a big, exciting piece of news. Except for Marie's parents, DeLyn and I were the only ones who knew, but we didn't realize that it wasn't news for public consumption yet. They just didn't want to start telling anyone until today when they got the doctor's confirmation on the pregnancy. They started calling people as soon as they got it

This family is just like that, though. They have all kinds of "secrets" running around. Don't tell so and so about this but.... I just found out that this brother is doing..... Can you believe that K didn't tell us about this....

The parents had a rancorous divorce some 17 years ago but the way they act, you'd think it was 7 months ago. The mother has BPD and freaks out on her kids all the time. Twice she has attempted suicide. And she is always trying to weedle information out of one child about another, particularly about her eldest who has severed contact completely. They don't tell her anything. They don't tell each other much of anything either. Somehow I seem to get way more information about that family than I want because I'm friends with 2 of the siblings. The ones with the wives who are passively-aggressively antagonistic with each other. .

Listen to me carefully--don't tell me anything that you don't want broadcast all over the internet. I'm a freaking blabbermouth. I don't mean to be. But stuff just comes out when I don't mean it to. Usually it's stuff that I don't know I'm not supposed to tell. I didn't think I was so stupid, but clearly I am. Ok, so this time is was purely a miscommunication. But there have been other times when things just tumbled out of my mouth and I floated out of my body watching myself blabbing like an out-of-body experience.

This isn't the first time I've slipped with this family and let something out that wasn't supposed to be let out. Last summer, I inadvertantly let the mother know that her eldest daughter bought a beach house at which I had spent a week. I didn't know that mother and daughter weren't speaking to each other and daughter didn't want mother knowing anything about her life. How was I to know that information about the purchase of a beach house was privileged information? Like I said--don't tell me anything. I can't be trusted.

I have no frame of reference for understanding that kind of family dynamic. I certainly didn't grow up in a perfect family--far from it--but we all love each other fiercely and would defend each other to the death. I would never dream of being petty or catty or withholding important news from one of them. And if I did find out about something from another source, you can bet I'd put on my biggest surprised face when they told me the news. We give each other the benefit of the doubt and we don't look for reasons to get offended. I guess we're just weird.

But I like that kind of weird.

--L