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04-03-2001 @ after midnight
Virgin Suicides and Inspiration

My ankles have returned. Yay! I was highly disturbed by those puffy things that passed for ankles in Hawaii. Blech!

I wore my white canvas platform sneakers with rubber bumpers on the toe. They make me happy. I'm not sure why but all day when I looked down at them as I climbed the stairs to classes or walked to my car, I smiled. Crisp white sneakers are just plain cheerful.

Tonight was bookgroup. We discussed THE VIRGIN SUICIDES. I was extremely irritated, though, that Karina didn't come. She didn't read the book because she said she just couldn't get past the title. If she weren't my sister's best friend, I think I'd suggest to her that she start her own weenie bookgroup to read weenie books because our group isn't about only reading the books you like, it's about stretching and reaching and learning. Most of the people didn't like the book (which I seriously don't understand!) but we still had a great discussion. I wish we had weekly bookgroup discussions, I enjoy them so much. These are my best friends and I love to be with them and talk about intellectual and literary things. It challenges me and keeps me feeling like an intelligent adult.

Today I was reminded of a chance meeting with Lara last summer. We were both at the Fountain on a hot day, I with Joey, she with a niece. While the girls ran in the water, she told me that I had inspired her to go back to college and so in the fall, she would be moving to another state to start school again. Psychology I think she said it was. I was flabbergasted. I knew Lara casually. Actually knew her mother, Sheryl, better. But I didn't really think she knew much of me. It gave me pause to think about how many people we affect without even knowing it. She saw me going after my dream and not being afraid to just jump in, even at the advanced age of 34. Here's the ironic thing, though. When I was thinking about going back to school, I thought I was too old, and then I remembered that Sheryl was taking night classes at the University of Phoenix to get her MBA. I figured if Sheryl could do it at her age (late 50s), I certainly could do it at my age. So Sheryl inspired me and I inspired Sheryl's daughter. Funny that Lara didn't take her inspiration directly from her mother.

Since then, two other friends have told me that I inspired them to go back to school. I love knowing that people are going to school--that they aren't afraid to start over in their 30s or 40s. I love seeing them on campus. And I love knowing that I had a little something to do with it.

I started reading David Eggers's A HEARTBREAKING WORK OF STAGGERING GENIUS. He is certainly an interesting writer. Good heavens--he's amazing! His sentences are very long and very complex but oh-so interesting and fun to follow. His writing seems to follow what I can only imagine are the frenetic ramblings of his mind. I can see this book either being very interesting or becoming very tedious. I'll just have to keep reading to find out.

I'm feeling rather June Freaking Cleaverish. I am in the mood to cook. Of course, I have no time. And that makes things difficult. But I think I'm going to make some pasta. I'm not sure what kind--perhaps some ravioli. I think that would be yummy--perhaps a little spinach/feta/sundried tomato filling? Nah, that's been done to death. I know--I'll mix some of my frozen homemade pesto with some cheese and put it in the ravioli. I think Joey would have fun making pasta, too.

Today I had an amazing amount of energy! Must be the ginseng because it certainly wasn't the amount of sleep I got. Ed has moved temporarily into the guest room because he's having trouble getting to sleep and even the quiet sound of my breathing is keeping him awake, in spite of wearing ear plugs. I find myself being of two minds on this. Personally, I prefer to sleep alone in our bed. I'm a flailer but when I have a bed companion, I sleep more still and as a consequence, I don't sleep as well. I wake to turn over or I don't turn enough and I end up with a stiff neck. So from a purely comfort and sleep standpoint, I prefer to be alone. But from an emotional standpoint, it's lonely in there. And of course, we have less sex when he's sleeping in the guest room (which isn't to say we have no sex, just not as much as usual). If we had a king sized bed, I think we'd be fine, but our queen bed just puts us too close together for either of our comfort. Why oh why did we go to a queen sized bed? So here we are--during the week he sleeps in the guest room and on the weekends, he sleeps with me. I'm almost embarassed to tell anyone he sleeps there for fear they would get the wrong idea. It's purely practical. Oh well. It's none o' their business anyway.

Speaking of Ed, he got a great review at work today. His boss adores him. He got promoted to a higher grade level, got an 'outstanding' rating (very difficult to get at Intel), and his boss wants to move him up to be a higher level manager than a "first line" manager. He got a 10% raise (yay!) and lots more stock and a much higher multiplier for employee bonuses. I'm so proud of him! He works so hard and spends a lot of energy on work stuff outside of work. In the past, he's been a little on the passive side at work. Every review said he lacked initiative. But since becoming a manager, he's been a lot more aggressive at work and has done such a great job. I'm just proud as punch. That's *my* guy. :-)

I'd better get to bed. It's after midnight and I need to be in class at 9am tomorrow so I'd better get cracking!

Did I mention that I just love school? It's challenging and difficult sometimes and social and interesting and a lot of work and I just love it. (I love it even when I'm tired of it. Deep down inside, I really do love it.) I'm good at it. And I like doing things I'm good at. I'm really in my element at school. I think that's why I want to teach as well as be a midwife. I can't bear to leave academia forever. I think Ed will go back to school to teach physics, too. We're both scholars at heart.

Lex needs her asthma medicine (I never thought I'd be the kind to have an elderly cat on medication but here I am with a 13-year-old cat on steroids) so I'll pop her pills, set out Joey's and my vitamins for tomorrow and then I'll head to bed.

Later...

--L

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